


something to hold onto forever and never let go

by guanlin



Series: you must come back home [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Non AU, a sprinkle, just a little, me realising that ive butchered hyungseop's name this WHOLE story, no one destroy me, ok this is lowkey emo, whatevrt man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:08:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guanlin/pseuds/guanlin
Summary: “Your phone, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun murmurs quietly, voice soft and achingly familiar, so much so that Woojin’s heart tugs at the thought he won’t hear it as often in a few days. Woojin removes his eyes from the white of the television screen and plants them on his phone instead. His heart jumps against his will at the sight of ‘Seoppie~’ flashing across his lock screen. Woojin’s eyes dart to Daehwi next to him, gaging whether he’s realised who’s calling him or not. By the way Daehwi squeezes his shoulder, Woojin supposes he has.“Answer him,” Daehwi murmurs, “He probably misses you.”





	something to hold onto forever and never let go

**Author's Note:**

> helo it's been a MONTH but im finally back with the jinseob sequel to 'you're scared because things are changing' which i WOULD link but i still have no freakin idea how to (someone please put me out of my misery). This is basically all about my boy Woojin realising his feelings for my other boy Hyungseop in a slightly angsty teenager-esque way. Although this is a jinseob fanfic, there are a lot of other themes (e.g woojin & daehwi leaving the BNM dorms and youngmin and donghyun) and a lot of Youngmin and Donghyun being idiots - although Woojin learns a lot about his feels for Hyungseop from these experciences. Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoy reading!

Woojin's phone rings a few nights before he and Daehwi are due to move into the Wanna One dorm. They’re not doing much, he, Daehwi and Donghyun are sitting in the living room, the tv playing some nonsense show in the background whilst Youngmin avoids Donghyun in his bedroom. He and Daehwi had noticed a long time ago, the way Youngmin had skirted around Donghyun like he was some strange other-worldly creature, not to be touched. When it first began, it had been concerning, but now it’s just getting old. Woojin can see how run down they’re getting, how sad it makes both of them to be away from each other but there’s something about the situation that seems too private to talk about, like there’s something that’s shifted in their dynamics that everyone can see but they feel it’s none of their business so they let the tension simmer in the room, stifling. 

“Your phone, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun murmurs quietly, voice soft and achingly familiar, so much so that Woojin’s heart tugs at the thought he won’t hear it as often in a few days. Woojin removes his eyes from the white of the television screen and plants them on his phone instead. His heart jumps against his will at the sight of ‘Seoppie~’ flashing across his lock screen. Woojin’s eyes dart to Daehwi next to him, gaging whether he’s realised who’s calling him or not. By the way Daehwi squeezes his shoulder, Woojin supposes he has. 

“Answer him,” Daehwi murmurs, “He probably misses you.”

Woojin’s heart aches for Daehwi as well, so young and yet so wise, empathetic. Woojin contemplates for a few moments, weighing out whether or not he can hold himself together if he hears his voice, scratchy through the phone speakers. He decides that he can, if only because it could be something important. Neither of them had contacted each other since Wanna One had been decided and something told Woojin things would change if he picked up the call now, if he broke the silence between them. He slides his finger across the screen and stands up, leaving to stand in the hallway outside their dorm. 

 

The lighting is different out here, harsher and brighter and it feels almost mocking, as if he’s out here to confront something. It’s colder, too, and Woojin regrets not wearing something warmer tonight. He presses the phone against his ear and holds his breath, waiting for Hyungseop to say something, _anything_. He doesn’t. 

“Hello?” Woojin says, kicking himself at how his voice sounds. Weak. 

He can hear a hitch in breath on the other line and it’s pathetic how he can already tell it’s Hyungseop that’s there, that he’s been waiting on the other end. 

“Woojin?” and Woojin’s heart just stops right there for a minute, an hour, a lifetime. It’s been weeks since he’s last heard from him, weeks since he’s heard that voice, sweet in all the right places and he can’t help the way relief fills his whole body to the brim. 

“Hyungseop,” Woojin breathes out, feeling like some sort of barrier has broken now that he’s finally managed to say his name. It’s quiet for a moment, as if Hyungseop is trying hard to think of something to say that isn’t _what's happened to us?_

“How are you?” Hyungseop asks him and the conversation is so normal, so casual that Woojin doesn’t even know how to reply. He keeps replaying everything that happened the last time they met. 

“I’m fine,” he says, working carefully to keep his voice neutral, unbothered, “how’re you?”

He so badly wants to bring up what happened, so badly wants to see him again, finally sort out all of these strange things that had been happening between them. Hyungseop sighs through the phone again, as if he was hoping Woojin would say something else. Honestly, Woojin was hoping he’d say something else too, be brave enough to ask Hyungseop ‘did you miss me as much as I missed you?’ ‘did you mean what you did that night?’. 

“I’m doing okay,” he replies, defeat seeping through the syllables and Woojin is at a complete loss, staring at the white of the wall opposite him as the space between him and Hyungseop gets increasingly large.

“Just okay?” Woojin asks, voice lifting at the end and Hyungseop breathes a laugh through the other end, although Woojin just can’t work out whether it was fabricated or not.

“Yeah, just okay,” Hyungseop replies and what is Woojin supposed to say to that? There’s another silence, and it’s so foreign because Woojin and Hyungseop _never_ have silences. They’re _Woojin and Hyungseop_ , the older talking a mile a minute whilst Woojin listens, a fond smile on his face. It’s always been this way, constant, familiar. So what’s changed?

“Why did you call?” Woojin asks finally and he already knows it was the wrong thing to say, curses himself to hell and back for having ruined what could have been his only chance to make up with his best friend and Woojin knows that it’s mean of him to ask, knows that it might be hard for Hyungseop to tell him the truth but he has to try _something_ to bridge the gap between them. There’s silence for a moment, as if Hyungseop’s contemplating telling him the truth or not. 

“I don’t know,” he answers finally, nothing short of a whisper and the hope that something was going to change between them after the call diminishes. Woojin feels guilty, because he just _knows_ that Hyungseop was hoping for the same thing. 

“I’ve got to go, Hyungseop,” Woojin says, forever being a coward and taking the easy way out. Even as he says it, his mind tells him that it’s not what he wants to say at all. _I miss your voice, Hyungseop_.

“Okay,” Hyungseop replies and Woojin can feel the unsaid words between them, feel Hyungseop drifting further from his grasp. _I miss you too._

“Bye,” Woojin says and even to his own ears it sounds desperate. Hyungseop doesn’t reply, the call ends. 

 

Youngmin finds him later, in the same position he was when the call ended, staring at the white of the wall. 

“Woojin-ah?” Youngmin questions, looking down at him curiously. 

Woojin looks up. 

“Hyung…” he whispers out, defeated and upset and tired and Youngmin immediately drops to his knees, pulling Woojin into his chest. Tears well up quickly, slipping down his warm cheeks and Woojin cries, properly, for the first time in what could be years. Youngmin just holds him, in the middle of the corridor outside of their dorms, whilst Woojin sobs. He sobs for Youngmin and for Donghyun, for all the other kids that didn’t make it, he sobs for his family, the endless yearning in his heart for some of the only people who will ever understand him, the rolling waves and salty smell of Busan. Most of all, however, he sobs for his confusion, for Hyungseop and for the ache in his chest, how much he misses him. Youngmin rocks him gently, whispering sweet words into the red of his hair. Woojin doesn’t know how long he cries for, but he knows that when he stops, it’s already pitch black outside. Youngmin pets his hair gently, allowing him to detach himself. 

“Sorry,” Woojin murmurs, wincing internally at how scratchy his voice sounds and Youngmin chuckles slightly .

“You just cried for almost twenty minutes and the only thing you can say is ‘sorry’?”

Woojin smiles sheepishly. 

“I meant about your shirt, really,” Woojin says, pointing at the wet marks. 

Youngmin just shrugs, eyes soft. 

“It’s fine,” he replies, “But you’re not. I think I can guess what’s wrong, but you can tell me anyway”  
Woojin sighs, not wanting to add his own problems to his hyung’s own ones but Youngmin had offered and Woojin had never felt so lonely than he had listening to the silence on the other end of the phone. 

“Hyungseop called me a while ago, and we hadn’t spoken since the final eliminations and… I don’t know, he just feels so far away from me? We were so close and now I feel like I’ve just lost him, he was my best friend! I don’t know what to do, hyung.”  
“Woojinie,” Youngmin begins gently, lowering himself to sit against the opposite wall, “People drift apart all the time, it’s sometimes natural,”

Woojin thinks of Donghyun and Youngmin, how their ‘drifting’ had seemed far from natural. He sometimes catches Youngmin going to say something to Donghyun, or laugh at something he says but then he seems to catch himself, to realise what he’s doing and stop it, almost mechanical in its happening.  
“But I feel like you and Hyungseop drifting apart was un-natural. It was easy to tell that you guys were meant to be together, in whatever way. There was just something about the two of you that obviously clicked and the fact that you’ve just gone radio silence on each other for no reason is…surprising, I suppose.”

Woojin’s heart squeezes uncomfortably at the realisation that people thought he and Hyungseop were ‘meant to be together’, somewhere in the grey area between sad and happy. Bittersweet.  

“I know that there's something you haven’t told us, and I get it if it’s private or whatever but people usually don’t just drift for no reason. You could have easily kept in contact if you’d have tried. I know there’s a reason you guys haven’t been talking and you need to think about whether whatever happened is worth losing him. I know how close you guys are, Woojin and I don’t know what you’d do without him. You need him, now more than ever. So you need to try and work past whatever happened, or you need to let him go.”

Woojin looks up at Youngmin, looks at the paleness of his face, the dark shadows under his eyes from staying awake late enough to be able to creep into his and Donghyun’s room when he’s already asleep and part of him wonders if taking advice from him is a good idea, considering what he’s been doing with Donghyun. 

“What about you, hyung?” he asks and Youngmin looks at him confusedly. 

“What about me?”  
“Are you going to let him go? Donghyun-hyung, I mean, or are you going to find a way to work past this?”  
Youngmin looks at him this time, _really_ looks at him and, for a flicker, part of the mask he keeps fixed to his face disappears. All Woojin sees there is sadness and pain. Sadness, pain and _love._

“You’re clever, Woojin-ah,” he says finally and then he hauls himself to his feet and sticks his hand out for Woojin to grasp, not giving the younger boy any time to think about what his hyung had just said, and whether or not Youngmin knew he and Hyungseop weren’t the only struggling pair he was thinking about. Youngmin reaches out a large hand and ruffles Woojin’s hair

“Don’t worry, kiddo, it’ll all work out,” he murmurs and Woojin’s mind is so exhausted that he believes him. 

 

It’s late and  Woojin lies awake in bed, worrying. He thinks about everything leading up to the final eliminations. All the extra hours he and Hyungseop spent together practicing for get Ugly, falling face first into whoever’s bed was closest when they were finally done and it was too late to worry if it was weird for two men to sleep in the same bed. Waking up almost every morning before the performance with a faceful of dark hair and a tan arm thrown over his waist, the content feeling in his chest at the sight of Hyungseop’s sleeping face, cheek smushed against the pillow. The performance, the rush of it and the blue of Hyungseop’s denim jacket as he did Woojin proud, the adrenaline pushing him through until suddenly it was over and Hyungseop’s shaking hand was in his, their thighs pressed together on the stools in front of the ranking screen. He remembers their hug when Hyungseop had found out Woojin had won, the other had pressed as much of his body as he could into Woojin’s, hands thrown around his neck as he laughed loudly in his ear. Even then, all Woojin could think of was Hyungseop. 

“Woojinie! You did it!” he had exclaimed and then leaned down to whisper, lips brushing against the shell of Woojin’s ear. He tries not to remember the fact that he’d shivered at the feeling, hands grasping just a little tighter at the jut of Hyungseop’s waist. 

“I’m proud of you,” he’d said and Woojin’s heart had squeezed uncomfortably but he was too happy to care, smiling wide and allowing himself to be swept back into the buzz of it all, the shining lights and the sweat and the glamour. He remembers the empty feeling of his bed without Hyungseop in it and the sheer feeling of happiness he’d felt when he’d heard Hyungseop’s speech dedicated to him, the flush on his cheeks as he watched Hyungseop make him a heart, silly as it might have been. He’d thought about it so much that he had managed to persuade himself to think that  Hyungseop was good at this, cunning and was just trying to do fan service to save himself, and maybe Woojin, too. Nothing more. 

 

Finally, he thinks about what happened the final night, the last time they had seen each other before Hyungseop went off the radar. It was surreal, all of it. He'd heard his name called, listened to the syllables of it bounce around his mind and yet, for a moment, he didn’t register the fact that he’d _made it_ and then the crowd was roaring and everyone was circling around him and yet, still, the only thing he really felt was Hyungseop’s hands against his shoulders, squeezing, grounding. Woojin would have held on tighter if he’d have known that it would be one of the last times he would hold one of the most important people in the world. He made his speech, hugged everyone, collapsed into his chair and waited. And waited. It was only when number three came that he began to get anxious. Could Hyungseop have made such a drastic increase in rank? Woojin had never had to think about this, that he’d make it and Hyungseop wouldn’t. It had aways been the other way round and the feeling of accepting the fact he wouldn’t carry on his journey to fame with the other left the studio walls crashing around his ears and Woojin wanted nothing more than to run, run back to Busan and listen to his mother’s calming voice, the rush of the waves against the familiar sand. Everything suddenly seemed too big, the city of Seoul scary and he wanted nothing more than to go home then, than to forget everything, forget Hyungseop and the way he made him feel. _Makes_ him feel.

 

Number one was announced and of course it was Daniel, humble, hard working Daniel. Woojin was proud of them, all of them and yet he couldn’t be too happy, not without Hyungseop. He made eye contact with the other and he remembers hoping that the whole theatre could see them, two hearts breaking at once. Hyungseop mouths a well done and Woojin nods, not trusting himself to do anything else, anything too risqué incase he found himself breaking down, begging the national producer’s to swap him out for Hyungseop because the sheer sadness in his eyes made Woojin’s chest ache. He knew exactly what Hyungseop was thinking _I’ll never be good enough, I deserve this_ and he wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong, than to whisper it over and over again until he believed it. _You worked so hard, you deserved this more than me_. Instead, Hyungseop smiles weakly at him and turns away, Daniel plants a heavy hand on his shoulder. 

“You okay?” he asks, even though it’s obvious to him that something else is going on. 

“Yeah,” Woojin tells him and Daniel smiles and, for now, it’s enough. 

 

Part of Woojin wants that to be the last time he saw Hyungseop but he can’t lie to himself, it isn’t. It was hitting six in the morning, the filming finally wrapped up. Most of the trainees had gone home, only the final twenty remaining in the corridor of their filming location. It was bittersweet, all of it, the ‘almost’ and the ‘made it’ kids stuck in a limbo, wanting to move on but not wanting to let go. The fatigue was setting in, the tears and the goodbyes and the realisation that this is the final time most of them will ever do anything together. Woojin stood to the side as he watched tearful goodbyes get prolonged for no reason other than the fact they’re not ready to go from ‘friends’ to ‘people that I used to know’. He remembers feeling guilty that he stole the place of one of these wonderful, deserving people. Maybe from Hyungseop. For some reason, the weight of that thought was even harder to bare than the previous one. 

“I can feel your guilt from the other end of the corridor,” a voice said on his right, sweet and gentle and familiar and Woojin didn’t even have to turn his head to know it was Hyungseop. 

“Hey, Seoppie,” he greeted. He was worried that if he looked at him, something terrible would happen. Woojin knew that they had to say goodbye, that Hyungseop and he would no longer be a duo, no longer be joined at the hip and Woojin wasn’t ready to confront that just yet.  
“Look at me,” Hyungseop had told him, that beautiful, beautiful voice of his dripping sticky fruit juice - sweet, strangely addicting and it was six in the morning, Woojin was weak and he _needed_ to drink him in for the last time. 

 

Their eyes met and everything seemed to fade out into background noise, until it was only them, Hyungseop and Woojin and their shared pain. Hyungseop knew what he wanted, knew what was about to happen and so to minor the casualties he took Woojin by the hand. His touch burnt. 

“Come with me,” he said, eyes dark as he led Woojin into one of the side rooms. The atmosphere was a ticking time bomb, Woojin didn’t know how long they had left until everything blew up. 

“I’m sorry,” Woojin told him as soon as Hyungseop closed the door and the other boy sighed, shoulders slumping. He hadn’t cried yet. 

“I know you are, Woojin, and you shouldn’t be,” he said, “You deserve this place more than anyone in this competition. You’ve worked so hard and you deserve it.”  
It was weird, hearing this from Hyungseop when he’d always thought he’d have to give this speech, heart aching in a way he’d never experienced before. He stepped forward, so there wasn't more than a ruler’s length between him and Hyungseop, so Hyungseop’s back was pushed against the wood of the door. 

“ _You deserve it, Hyungseop,_ you worked harder than me. I wish I could just-“

Hyungseop shushed him, smiling his sweet smile and it was so painfully gorgeous that it only made the ache worse.

“I know, Woojinie,” he practically cooed, pulling Woojin’s head to rest against his shoulder and the atmosphere was so strange, practically melting everything into heaps of wax. The ache turned into throbbing as Woojin stared at the smooth skin of Hyungseop’s neck, the freckles, relished in the feeling of Hyungseop’s fingers against his nape because he knew that it would be hard to do this again. 

“I’m sorry,” Woojin said again because what else was he to say? Neither he or Hyungseop were ones for goodbyes because that _meant_ something. It was set in stone, final. 

“I know,” Hyungseop told him, voice cracking and the sheer amount of emotion in it had Woojin leaning back, not out of his space but far enough to watch his face, see the complete _pain_ in his expression and something in Woojin gave way, finally stopped trying to hide his feelings. Woojin bit at his lip, eyes flickering down to the pink of Hyungseop’s own and then, like everything else they’ve ever done, slowly but surely, their mouths met. 

 

It was foreign for a moment, just a press of lips against lips, neither moving, neither breaking the moment because both of them feared the imminent change between them that would occur when they pulled away from each other. Woojin’s heart beat so hard he wondered if Hyungseop could hear it, he was still for a minute, mind blank as he tried to comprehend that _finally,_ Hyungseop was kissing him. Then Woojin kissed back, and things went from innocent to completely _desperate_ quickly. He had never kissed anyone as desperately as he kissed Hyungseop, as if he was trying to pour every single waking moment they had spent together, all the hard work and the passion and the sheer unfairness of it all into it and Hyungseop was kissing him back. Woojin surged forward, pressed Hyungseop back against the door as hard as he could, almost as if he was attempting to mould them together so no one could separate them. Hyeongseop grasped at the lapels of his uniform as their mouths moved together quickly, sloppily, as if to keep himself grounded. Woojin found himself quickly losing air, his mind growing dizzyingly hazy. 

“Don’t forget me,” Hyeongseop had gasped out between their lips, halfway pushing Woojin’s jacket from his shoulders as he reached up to cradle his face, fingernails leaving half moons in the skin as if he wasn’t just holding him, he was holding _onto_ him. 

“Never,” Woojin replied desperately, kissing down Hyungseop’s jaw, tipping his head to the side to kiss at his neck, scrape his teeth against the tendon if only to hear the high pitched whine he gained in response, and his whole body was burning with want, with complete _need,_ “I could never.” 

Somehow, through the commotion and the flurry of movements, the breathlessness, their hands found each other, fingers intertwined together tightly. Woojin remembers that it hurt. In that moment, touching him hurt. 

“Tell me something,” Woojin had murmured, his lips finding Hyungseop’s again and this time it was slower, as if they were trying to savour it, “Tell me something I can remember forever and never let go.”

He didn’t know why he said it, doesn’t even know why three weeks later but it seemed fitting in the moment, to have something together that Woojin could look back on when Hyungseop had moved on and Woojin meant nothing to him anymore. The words seemed to snap Hyungseop out of their trance, however and the realisation that he was kissing his best friend like they were dying in some conference room on the biggest night of his life hit him square in the chest. Woojin had never kissed a boy before, had never even thought about it so the fact that he had just kissed this one so willingly, with so much _want_ was extremely surprising to him. He stood, vaguely stunned, hands still settled on the smooth skin of Hyungseop’s hips. The other boy pushed gently against his chest, putting some space between them and the irrational part of Woojin missed the closeness. He took Hyungseop in, the tousled hair, flushed cheeks, swollen lips, he looked so corrupted that Woojin felt a blush rising to his cheeks. The fondness in Hyungseop’s eyes as he reached forward to straighten Woojin’s clothes out was almost painful and Woojin wondered if Hyungseop had ignored his question for a reason, had regretted kissing him and was about to walk out of his life without looking back. Instead, Hyungseop cupped his cheek, thumb stroking across the skin tenderly until he leant forward and planted a closed-mouthed kiss on his lips. Woojin's heart sped up, thumping against his chest at even the smallest display of affection. He wanted to say something, anything, to tell Hyungseop how important he was to him, let him know he’d never felt this way about anything or anyone, ever and yet his stupid self had kept silent. He leaned back again, one hand reaching up to fix Woojin’s hair and Woojin had just stood there, things moving too fast for him to comprehend. 

“Let go,” Hyungseop murmured, and Woojin must have looked at him strangely because Hyungseop had smiled again and only now did Woojin see the tears in his eyes, “My answer. Something you can remember forever and never let go.” He smiled again, nostalgic in it’s nature and this kind of smile is exactly what Woojin hadn’t wanted to see, that he was becoming a memory, something to look back on with a bittersweet smile. “Let go.”

He turned to reach for the door handle but before he could leave, Woojin finally reacted and grabbed his wrist.

“I-“ he began but Hyungseop just smiled gently and pried his grip away, a tear leaving a glistening track down his cheek. He left the room without looking back and by the time Woojin had gathered the courage to leave the conference room, he was gone. 

 

Woojin wonders even now why Hyungseop hadn’t let him say what he wanted to that night but his body won’t allow him to think about what happened without his ears  burning, part with the thought of the intimacy and part from some strange sort of anger that he wasn’t able to speak his mind, that Hyungseop didn’t let him. He reaches for his phone, fingers automatically pulling up his and Hyungseop’s messaging conversation. He’s been doing that a lot lately, just staring at their old messages. The last conversation is dated from more than three weeks ago, when the only thing he and Hyungseop were worried about was the Get Ugly performance and not their fast deteriorating relationship. His fingers hover over the keypad for a moment before he decides _fuck it_ , how much worse could it get?

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 11:43pm_ **

_I’m sorry, Hyungseop._

 

He hits send, flopping back against his duvet. He listens for the familiar pattern of Daehwi’s breathing above him but is instead greeted with silence. 

“Daehwi?” he whispers. He hears Daehwi’s sheets rustle and his friends head appears over the side of his bunkbed, hair messy and unkept. 

“Yes, hyung?” he asks. 

“Are you worried?”

“About moving?”

Woojin nods, relieved that Daehwi can read him like the back of his hand and he didn’t have to speak it. Daehwi’s head disappears from view for a minute and their bed creaks as he makes his way down the ladder. 

“Shove over,” he says and Woojin complies, too tired to scold him for the lack of respect, instead  shuffling over towards the wall so Daehwi can squish into bed next to him. 

“I’m worried, I suppose,” Daehwi tells him, staring up at the wooden bed slats, “I know you are, too”  
“Yeah,” Woojin murmurs, everything seems easier to say in the dark, when it’s hard to make out Daehwi’s facial expressions, “There just doesn’t seem to be any constants in my life at all right now. I mean Produce 101 wasn’t a constant, Wanna One is disbanding next year and Donghyun and Youngmin, what’s even going on with them? I always thought that they’d be best friends forever, you know? That even when we’d leave, they’d still be the reliable older brothers, inseparable and now they can’t even sit in the same room with each other. You and them and Brand New are my home, and i knew that we’d have to leave, but I always thought that it would be the same as we left it when we came back.”  
Daehwi stays silent for a minute, obviously thinking about all the things said and how to reply. 

“I know,” he finally says, “but if you think about it, nothing in life is constant. I know it’s scary, hyung, I’m scared too, but Youngmin and Donghyun aren't going anywhere, they’ll be here to welcome us back when we leave Wanna One, even though they might be different. We’re leaving, Woojin-hyung and we’re going to develop as people and as idols, you can’t expect Youngmin and Donghyun to be exactly the same when we’re going to be completely different people, too. You have to accept that they can’t afford to wait for us.” Woojin is about to speak up, to tell Daehwi that, once again, he’s right but the younger boy carries on. 

“Things have been difficult, but we have each other, Woojin-ie, we’re going to be fine, you know.”  
Woojin sighs again, moving to lay on his side, facing Daehwi’s profile. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
Daehwi just smiles, reaching out into the darkness to take his hand. He feels guilty, somewhat, that Daehwi has gone through more in his short life than he will have to go through in many years to come and the fact that he’s dumping all of his problems on him fills him with some twisted feeling, not to mention that he’s the hyung. It’s comforting, however, and Woojin is truly, truly thankful that both he and Daehwi made it so neither of them have to do this alone. 

“I think you and Hyungseop-hyung need to work things out, though,” Daehwi says after a couple of minutes silence and Woojin’s eyes jolt open, “It’s no use trying to ignore each other. It’s so easy to tell that you’re important to each other, don’t let whatever happened between you two get in the way of it.”  
Woojin blinks. 

“That’s exactly what Youngmin said,” Woojin tells him, not able to prevent the lift of his lips as Daehwi gasps in mock disgust. 

“That’s terrible!” he exclaims dramatically and Woojin shakes his head, chuckling. 

“Go to sleep, Daehwi.” 

 

The next morning, Woojin has overslept. Sunlight leaks through the blinds and Daehwi is gone, probably to see Samuel or Jinyoung. Woojin reaches for his phone, hand scrambling over the bedside table before his fingers close around the familiar device. He winces at the brightness before his heart stops in his chest. He has a new message from Hyungseop. He sits up quickly, head barely missing smacking against the top bunk painfully. With shaking hands, he swipes at the screen, bringing up his and Hyungseop’s conversation. He immediately flushes at the message he sent last night. _God, how embarrassing_. Hyungseop had replied at nearly three in the morning and the words make Woojin’s stomach drop. 

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 2:45am_ **

_I’m sorry, too_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 2:46am_ **

_I miss you_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 2:50am_ **

_Can we meet?_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 3:30am_ **

_Sorry, you’re probably asleep._

 

Woojin doesn’t know how to reply, doesn’t even know how to formulate thoughts because all he can see is _I miss you_. He replays it over and over in his mind, the three weeks of suffering, of thinking Hyungseop had moved on, didn’t even think about it anymore. Last night’s conversation, the awkwardness and the lying because Woojin _had_ lied and so had Hyungseop. When his hands finally stop shaking enough to be able to type, he doesn’t even know what to say. He thinks about going to Youngmin, level-headed and sensible, or Donghyun, kind and soft-spoken or even Daehwi, soft and wonderful and wise but he decides against it, doesn’t want to burden them but he also feels that he needs to do this on his own. Needs to fix this on his own. He types out a couple of things, then deletes them again. 

 

**_‘Woojin' (you) 10:33am_ **

_I miss you too._

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:33am_ **

_We can meet._

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:35am_ **

_I mean, I want to see you._

 

Woojin flushes at the mistake, at how blunt he had sounded in the second text yet how affectionate he sounds in the second. He hopes that Hyunseop isn’t creeped out by how eager he sounds. Almost immediately, the grey ‘delivered’ turns to ‘read’ and Woojin’s heart involuntarily speeds up. Has Hyungseop been waiting for him? The familiar typing bubble appears and Woojin doesn’t care about seeming cool anymore, waiting with anticipation as it rises and falls, rises and falls. Eventually it falls and doesn’t appear again. 

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:37am_ **

_Today?_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:37_ **

_I want to see you too, Woojin._

 

Woojin barely restrains himself from sending back ‘you do?’ just to make sure he didn’t misread or isn’t in some weird dream but he decides that he won’t because he and Hyungseop are in strange territory and he doesn’t know how playful he can be before ruining everything again. They’re treading a fine line and Woojin doesn’t know where it will end, or how much space he has either side. 

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:38am_ **

_Can you come to my dorm? We’re still pretty busy packing and stuff._

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:39am_ **

_I can wait if you’re busy. Don’t feel like you have to._

 

Woojin is half endeared, half exasperated. The fact that Hyungseop would put off seeing him (which is important) because he’s busy is endearing, but the fact that he can’t see that Woojin is completely _desperate_ to see his face again is exasperating. 

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:40am_ **

_I want to see you today._

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:40am_ **

_Can you get here?_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:41am_ **

_Yeah I can if you text me the address. What time d’you want me there?_

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:41am_ **

_As soon as possible._

 

Woojin hopes again that he isn’t being too bold but he had just begun to get used to not texting Hyungseop constantly and suddenly being able to text him again was simultaneously daunting and exciting. 

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:44am_ **

_11?_

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 10:45am_ **

_That's fine._

**_You have shared your location with contact ‘Seoppie~’_ **

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 10:46am_ **

_Thanks. See you soon._

 

The euphoria that they’re finally talking again wears off quickly and instead panic sets in that Woojin is going to see Hyungseop in exactly thirteen minutes and he’ll be in his home, all beautiful and ethereal and they're going to have to sort out the fact that the last time they saw each other, they made out in a conference room before not speaking to each other for three weeks. Just before Woojin is about to spiral into a full blown panic, there’s a knock at the door and a second later, Donghyun’s head appears. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” he says with a gentle smile, “I was just about to-“

“Hyung,” Woojin cuts him off, voice urgent and Donghyun’s smile drops immediately. He pushes the door open and walks in, “Hyungseop is coming in exactly nine minutes.”

Donghyun blinks. 

“Here?”

“Yes, _here_ and I have to talk about what happened and I’m so worried it’s going to be awkward or I’m going to do something embarrassing or I’m going to ruin everything and he’ll never talk to me ever again.”

“Calm down, Woojin. He obviously wants to sort this out as much as you do otherwise he wouldn’t be coming here. Don’t worry about it and try to remember that before all this happened, you and Hyungseop could be together as easy as breathing. Don’t forget how you were when your friendship began.”

As always, Donghyun’s calm, reassuring words soothed him and Woojin suddenly becomes aware of the fact that Hyungseop is coming in five minutes and he’s still in bed, sheets tangled around his angles. Quickly, he jumps up, thanking Donghyun as he rushes to the bathroom, keeping an eye on his phone at all times. 

 

There’s a knock on the door at 11:01 and Woojin has just finished brushing his teeth. He’s nervous, anxiety bubbling at the bottom of his stomach as if he’s about to go on stage but somewhat worse, because there will be no adrenaline kick and this won’t be over in three or four minutes. He looks at himself in the mirror for a minute, there’s no hiding that he’s tired, the dark circles under his eyes tell everyone that and he knows Hyungseop will be worried when he sees him but, otherwise, he looks fine - fine enough, anyway. He exits the bathroom quickly, not wanting to leave Hyungseop waiting too long and when he does he finds all three of his dorm-mates in the living room. Daehwi and Donghyun lean over a couple of boxes, pulling some of their stuff from the cubbyholes in the corner whilst Youngmin sits in front of the tv, eyes trained on Donghyun’s back. It’s strange but weirdly comforting to see them all together again after this long and Woojin feels a tinge of sadness at the thought that he has to leave all of this tomorrow but, for now, there are more important things on his mind. Woojin wonders if Donghyun had told the others than Hyungseop was coming so they were all here because they wanted to see how it would pan out. Probably, because none of them had got up to answer the door even though they were closer. 

 

When he reached the door, Woojin stopped for a minute with his hand on the handle. It wasn’t hesitation, not at all, but just apprehension before he takes the metaphorical leap off of a cliff, the moment of reflection before he faces his fear. And then he pushes down and tugs open the door. It’s strange, seeing him again after all that had happened in what was really such a short space of time. Hyungseop stands there, wearing a blue bomber jacket and black jeans looking painfully casual. His hair is still black, tousled and curling against his forehead and just the sight of him, the familiarity of him makes Woojin’s heart jump into his throat. They stand there for a minute, taking each other in and Woojin cannot believe that Hyungseop has got even more breathtaking in their time apart. Before Woojin can even think about saying something, Hyungseop steps one step closer, then another before he’s closing the space between them and wrapping Woojin up into a hug. Hyungseop’s familiar smell overwhelms him, soap and cleanliness and something so indescribably lovely that Woojin can’t explain. For a second, he stands still, too stunned to do anything but eventually he lifts his hands up to rest cautiously around Hyungseop’s waist, still worried that he’s going to scare him away. When he realises he's not and that he’s _here_ , he squeezes him so tight he’s worried for Hyungseop’s breathing. Woojin didn’t think at all that their meeting would pan out like this, he thought things would be terribly awkward but or some reason, there doesn’t seem to need to be any words exchanged, at least not right now whilst Hyungseop has his face buried in the warmth of Woojin’s neck. 

“I missed you,” Hyungseop finally says and hearing his sweet voice now, not through a speaker, thick with emotion has Woojin dropping his head against Hyungseop’s shoulder, the familiar pricking of tears at the corner of his eyes. 

“I missed you too,” Woojin replies and he decides in his hallway with the door wide open, hugging the boy he was kissing three weeks ago and then hadn’t heard from since that he can’t spend time thinking about whether or not he’s ‘allowed’ to say things, whether he’ll get reprimanded for them, about whether or not Hyungseop would judge him for it. He thinks back to what Daehwi said last night, _you have to accept that they can’t afford to wait for us._ Hyungseop could be a completely different person by the time he gets back from Wanna One, even though he hopes his feelings are the same, hopes that he and Hyungseop will still be able to see each other as much. Things are hard enough without him concealing his feelings. 

 

Hyungseop pulls away, that familiar smile tugging at his lips. 

“Are you crying?” he asks teasingly and Woojin is so happy things are at least in resemblance to something normal that he doesn’t even try to hide his face. He lets Hyungseop go somewhat reluctantly and steps back so the other boy can enter the hallway. He shuts the door, mumbling a sulky ‘no’ to which Hyungseop let’s out a breathy laugh and Woojin truly has missed him. 

 

Hyungseop leans down to untie his shoes and put them in the hallway and Woojin finds his eyes stuck on the pretty curve of his back, the sharp edge of his jaw and he just can’t seem to look away. Hyungseop looks up eventually and because Woojin’s a dumb idiot, he doesn’t even try to hide his staring. 

“You’re staring,” Hyungseop points out, standing up fully and shoving his hands into his pocket. He seems a little embarrassed, the high points of his cheekbones dusting a light pink but he mostly seems cocky, in a teasing sort of way. Woojin finally removes his eyes, choosing to stare at the back of the sofa down the hallway. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles quietly and now he’s blushing, for definite. 

Hyungseop just giggles, high in his throat and Woojin can’t help the fondness he feels.

“It’s fine,” he says and when Woojin makes no attempt to move, he laughs again, “Are we just going to stand in your hallway staring at each other? Or can we stare at each other somewhere else?”

Woojin suddenly realises that he’s made Hyungseop stand awkwardly in the hall of his dorm, and he’s too polite to go in himself so he kicks himself mentally for not being a good host. 

“Sorry, again,” he says bashfully, “we can go to my room? If - if you’re fine with that, that is.”

Once again, Woojin is blushing, even though things had been normal between them, he really hoped that Hyungseop didn’t think he was propositioning him, or trying to force him to come into his room. The older blinks and the fondness in his eyes is unmistakeable as he stares down at flustered Woojin. 

“You’re room is fine, Woojin, stop freaking out.”

Woojin just nods jerkily, his hands twisting up the fabric of his t-shirt before he turns around and begins to lead Hyungseop through their apartment. 

 

It’s unavoidable that they have to go through the living room to get through to his room and Woojin regrets letting Hyungseop know because he looks extremely shocked when Daehwi suddenly screeches ‘hyung!’ and throws himself on him. Luckily, Hyungseop has enough power to stop himself stumbling backwards and Woojin watches with amusement as he smiles, patting Daehwi’s head like he’s an overexcited puppy.

“Hey, Daehwi-yah,” he says and Daehwi pulls away from him to flounce back to his boxes whilst he greets Youngmin and then Donghyun before Woojin pulls him away. 

 

The atmosphere in his room is thick, loaded and this is the part Woojin feared the most, having to voice his thoughts and feelings. If there’s one thing Woojin hates, it’s being vulnerable.  He can see Hyungseop’s eyes darting around his room, taking in every inch of it whilst Woojin takes a seat on the edge of his mattress. 

“Where’d you want me to sit?” Hyungseop asks him after having thoroughly checked out his room. Woojin shrugs and then gestures to the space next to him. 

“There's not much choice.”  
“Just checking,” Hyungseop tells him, smiling slightly but it’s somewhat tense, strained at the edges. They’re silent for a few moments. Woojin can feel Hyungseop looking at him, feels his eyes roaming over his face and the attention makes him flush down to his neck. 

“Woojin, I-“ Hyungseop begins but Woojin places a heavy hand on his knee. 

“Stop, Hyungseop-hyung, just - just let me say what you didn’t let me that night.”

Hyungseop seems shocked for a minute, maybe at the assertion in Woojin’s voice, or at the hand on his knee, bleeding heat but he nods all the same. 

“Hyung, I…what happened was unexpected. I hadn’t thought a-about kissing you before, I mean, I’d never really thought about kissing _any_ boy before but, I- I don’t know - I _liked_ it. Kissing you, I mean. I understand that it was emotional though, and we were worried we’d never see each other again so I get it if you only did it because of that, but, hyung, I promised myself I’d be honest with you so I want you to know that you’re really important to me, hyung, one of the _most_ important and I-I really-“

“Woojin, I know,” Hyungseop interrupts, a small smile on his face. 

“Y-you know what?”

“I know that I’m important to you, and I know that you liked the kiss. Why would you have kissed back if you didn’t?”

Woojin sits there for a minute, staring at the wrinkles in his bedsheets.

“ _Hyung_ ,” he whines eventually, “Why did you make me say all of that if you knew it already?”

Hyungseop laughs, loud and clear and melodic. 

“Because it was fun to watch you squirm,” he says, unapologetic and if Woojin wasn’t so infatuated with him he would have been angry. 

“Ah hyung,” Woojin whines again, reaching out to playfully hit the older’s shoulder but before he can, Hyungseop catches his hand and laces their fingers together. Woojin doesn’t miss the way his heart jolts against his ribcage at the contact, doesn’t miss the way it yearns for more. Although still smiling, Hyungseop’s eyes become more serious, more emotional and Woojin braces himself to hear the other’s side of the story. 

“I didn’t expect to kiss you, either, Woojinie but you were partly right when you said that it was emotional. I think that’s why we kissed in the first place, because we didn’t want to let go but it was obvious we were different to each other from the beginning, I mean, it was obvious to _me_. I feel like we were just leading up to a kiss, like everything we did was just contributing to us - or one of us- eventually catching feelings - o-or whatever,” Woojin stares at their intertwined hands, watching the way Hyungseop’s thumb swipes over the back of his hand occasionally. He thinks about the phrase ‘catching feelings’, about Hyungseop’s hasty ‘or one of us’ and it throws him. He decides that he knows three solid things about his and Hyungseop’s relationship.

  1. they kissed and they both liked it
  2. Hyungseop is one of the most important people in his life
  3. He doesn’t want to lose him.



The word ‘feelings’ doesn’t feature on that list, it never has and before Woojin can even think about them, he hears Hyungseop take a deep breath. 

 

 

“I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I do. Have feelings for you, I mean. I have for a long time.”

Woojin’s head snaps up at this, eyes searching Hyungseop’s face for any sign of a joke, any sign of a lie. His heart beats rapidly in his chest and he’s amazed that Hyungseop looks so calm, even after telling Woojin something as groundbreaking as that. He stares at him, wide eyed and Woojin doesn’t know what to do at all. He has never thought about having feelings for Hyungseop because he’d never thought about having feelings for boys, which is stupid, when he thinks about it because he willingly made out with one and the fact that Hyungseop had said it so surely, so confidently makes Woojin want to cry. Hyungseop watches him, seemingly calm but Woojin knows him like he knows himself, all those long nights spent together and he knows the tell tale sign of panic in his eyes. 

“ _Hyung…_ ,” Woojin begins and he doesn’t even mean it in a bad, more of a shocked way but Hyungseop seems to think he does because he lets go of his hand suddenly, drawing in a sharp breath. 

“i’m _sorry_ , Woojinie,” he begins, “I know that you don’t like me back and I know that I’ve ruined everything now. I get it if you don’t want to see me anymore, for real, Woojin, I wouldn’t blame you. I’m sorry.”

He turns away from Woojin, probably so he can’t see the hurt on his face and Woojin shakes his head frantically, upset that Hyungseop would think he wouldn’t want to see him anymore all because of things he can’t help.

“Hyung,” Woojin whispers again and Hyungseop doesn’t even look up at him. He reaches his hand out slowly, as if not to startle an animal, and places it on Hyungseop’s shoulder. When he doesn’t flinch, he slowly pulls Hyungseop to rest against him. 

“Hyung, don’t be sorry,” he begins, running a gentle hand through the other's hair and Hyungseop just lets it happen, staring emptily at the wall. It hurts Woojin to know that Hyungseop was expecting a rejection, “I’m not saying no, hyung, I just need some time to think about it, that’s all. You haven’t ruined anything just, just let me sort out my head, alright?”

Hyungseop sniffs a little, nods and then laughs shakily. 

“God, I’m sorry,” he says and he sits up, running a shaky hand through his hair, “I just confessed to you then had a lowkey breakdown before you’d even said anything.”

Woojin laughs with him, a little relieved - his heart still feels strange at the thought of Hyungseop harbouring feelings for him. 

“It’s fine, hyung,I cried to Youngmin-hyung for half an hour after you called.”  
“You did?” Hyungseop asks him, surprise colouring his voice a higher tone. 

Woojin laughs and then nods. 

“Yeah, I did. Hyung, I’m not rejecting you, things are just hectic. Is it fine if you just give me some time to think about it?”

Hyungseop nods. 

“Of course,” he says softly and he’s so pretty that Woojin wants to just lean forward and kiss him until he’s dizzy. _Is that what people with no feelings think?_ When Hyungseop leaves a while later, Woojin leans forward and plants a kiss on the soft skin of his cheek. They both part blushing. 

 

A little later, when Hyungseop’s gone and Woojin is packing up the last of his things into boxes, his phone buzzes. 

 

 

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 3:43pm_ **

_woojinie, I didn’t mean to force you to think about your feelings. I just wanted you to know mine, I hope it didn’t creep you out._

 

**_‘Woojin’ (you) 3:45pm_ **

_Hyung, stop. I like the idea of you having feelings for me ;))))_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 3:46pm_ **

_brat! :(_

 

Woojin doesn’t realise he’s grinning down at his phone until Youngmin hits him over the head with a magazine. 

“Stop getting distracted, loverboy,” he teases. 

Woojin can feel himself blushing at the nickname but he doesn’t do anything to defend himself. Youngmin carries on for a second before he stops, and comes to sit cross-legged in front of Woojin. 

“Spill,” he says, “What happened?”  
Woojin shrugs, still shoving little nick-nacks into the box. 

“Nothing much, we talked.”  
“And?” the older prompts. 

“He…confessed.”  
“Confessed what?”

“His feelings?” Woojin says casually although his heart is speeding up again. 

In front of him, Youngmin lets out a highly unmanly squeal.

“Really?” he exclaims excitedly, so loud that Woojin has to hush him. He nods, not able to help the smile that appears on his face. 

“What did you reply?” 

“I told him I needed to think about it,” he says and he means it, he really needs to consider whether he actually does have feelings for Hyungseop or not and, if he does, whether he can afford to pursue a relationship or not. 

“You need to - to think about it?” Youngmin asks, disbelieving. 

“Yeah, and?”  
“I have never seen anybody so smitten with each other as you two are, why are you thinking about it?”

Woojin widens his eyes.

“Hyung! I’ve never even _thought_ about having feelings for him!”

Youngmin looks about ready to collapse from exasperation. 

“Woojin! We all know you made out in that freakin’ conference room on finals night! How can you not consider feelings for someone you literally _make out_ with?”  
Woojin’s mouth hangs open. He chooses to purposefully ignore the second half. 

“H-how did you know?”

“Hyungseop came out of that room looking _ruined_ , bro, there was no doubt after that.”  
“Oh,” Woojin says eloquently.  
“Woojin-ah, listen to hyung,” Youngmin begins, softer and more serious, “I know you’re worried things won’t work out and I know you’re scared of losing him but it’s so easy to tell that you care about each other - _a lot_. It’s fine if you’re not ready to accept things yet but don’t leave him hanging, alright? He’s too good to you for you to just let him go.”

Woojin fiddles with a toy figurine, Youngmin’s words bouncing around the caverns of his mind. He’s starting to see it now, things falling into place. Woojin’s constant need to be in Hyungseop’s vicinity, the touchiness, how upset he was to find out Hyungseop hadn’t made it, his disbelief. It’s frightening, the realisation of just _how much_ he cares for the other. 

“I’m scared, hyung,” Woojin whispers weakly and Youngmin sits back on his hands.

“I know but he likes you, Woojin, which is more than some of us have got. If you like him back, let him know.”

Woojin doesn’t miss the bitterness in Youngmin’s voice at the last sentence. 

 

 

Later on, when things are calmer and it’s staring to set in that Daehwi and Woojin are really leaving, Daehwi calls all of them to the sitting room and proposes that they play a game of truth or dare. It’s an old game, one they used to play when they were all still trainees, not on the cusp of fame, of flying the nest for bigger and better things. The youngest makes them all hold hands because he’s weird and touchy but Woojin can’t bring himself to mind, just holds onto Donghyun a little tighter than he normally would. He’s not really interested in it, just carries out his dares or answers his questions with a fond smile on his face. Maybe two or three rounds into the game, it’s Woojin’s turn again and because he picked dare last time, he chooses truth. Immediately, Daehwi’s face becomes mischievous and an uneasy feeling bubbles in his stomach but he tries to keep his face schooled neutral.

“What’s going on with you and Hyungseop-hyung?”

He’s surprised at first, that Daehwi even thought there was something going on but then he remembers Youngmin’s words from earlier, how everyone had known what he and Hyungseop were doing. He feels his face flush again, even though he knows Daehwi is only teasing him and he watches as Daehwi laughs at the unfamiliar sight of usually stoic, unbothered Woojin _blushing_. Donghyun coos at him teasingly whilst Youngmin smiles, delighted, opposite him. 

“Yeah, Woojinie,” he joins in, “What’s going on?”

“Is it too late to choose dare?” he whines.

“No, hyung!” Daehwi exclaims in that deceivingly childish voice of his, “Answer the question!”

Out of embarrassment, or maybe something else, some sort of pleasure from the thought that people _think_ that there’s something going on between he and his hyung, he pulls both hands to his face, awkwardly dragging Donghyun and Daehwi with him, groaning.

“I don’t know,” he says, face still buried in his (and his label mate’s) hands, “We’re, I don’t know…talking? Flirting? Courting? I’m not sure yet.”

Daehwi giggles next to him whilst Donghyun murmurs a mock-wistful ‘young love’. Woojin sees Youngmin smile at him, proud and a warm feeling pools in his chest. 

"Do you like him Hyung?" Daehwi presses.

 _Yes_ , Woojin wants to answer, _so much_. Instead, he presses his lips into a line. 

“It’s Youngmin-hyung’s turn now.”

 

When Daehwi says Donghyun can ask, an uneasy feeling starts brewing and doesn't stop. Woojin trusts Daehwi, with is life, but he can’t help but think his younger friend might be making a mistake. Donghyun, although usually careful with his words, can occasionally have the tendency to put his foot in it and Woojin has a hunch this might be one of those times. He’s right. 

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Donghyun asks, sounding confident but Woojin can detect the shake in his hands. He squeezes. Youngmin looks like he’s floundering, eyes darting around searching desperately for a way out of this and Woojin, although he loves him, is extremely exasperated, wanting to do nothing but shake his hyung and tell him to _snap out of it._ Youngmin answers with a halfhearted ‘I was stressed’ and Woojin is half disappointed, half relieved. That could have either pulled the two older hying’s out of their problem or shoved them further in but it seemed to keep them in the same place. Just when Woojin suspected that they had made it though the worst part and could continue a few more rounds before calling it a night, Donghyun chooses dare. He thinks that Youngmin might just dare him to do something vaguely stupid or half assed but Youngmin looks him straight in the eye and says “kiss me”. He feels Daehwi let him go and then a second later, a harsh grip on his upper arm. If we wasn’t so interested, he might have scolded him for holding him too tight but he watches with a strange cocktail of interest and caution. Donghyun looks at both of them, presumably for help, but finds nothing. Both Daehwi and Woojin are as lost as him. 

“W-what?” Donghyun manages to stutter out and Woojin feels extremely bad for him. 

“Kiss me,” Youngmin says again. Woojin wants to ask him why but he suspects already. It would explain a great deal. After a few more minutes of Donghyun floundering and some encouragement from he and Daehwi (they’re willing to try anything to get their hyungs past this), Donghyun finally decides he’s going to have to do it and leans over. It’s strange, watching his hyungs kiss. It seems like he and Daehwi are intruding on something too private for them to see. It’s obvious that there’s something between the two, otherwise they wouldn’t be still kissing, neither would be kissing back. Woojin can’t help wonder if he and Hyungseop looked like that, if they kissed like they had some sort of expiry date - if they kissed like it was the last time they could. 

 

 

The game had ended abruptly after that, Donghyun creating the flimsy excuse that it was ‘getting late’. Youngmin had disappeared to their room and Donghyun and Daehwi had gone to brush their teeth. As their final night in their dorm drew to a dramatic close, Woojin was becoming increasingly nervous. He was sitting on the worktop in their little kitchenette, kicking his legs against the worktop, thinking. Woojin had been the last to come into their little dorm over a year ago and he had long since thought of it as a ‘home away from home’. He thinks about what tomorrow will bring, the sheer unknown of it making nerves bubble under his skin. He can't even bear the thought of leaving Donghyun and Youngmin, let alone in a state like this. He had come to think of them as his brothers, each of them having looked after him in the past and he felt extremely guilty that, after all they had done for him, he was abandoning them. Only the thought that they would be reunited in a little over a year was comforting. 

“You’re nervous,” someone says and Woojin’s head snaps up at the sound of Donghyun’s voice. He’s always very perceptive, Donghyun, but Woojin isn’t quite ready to admit it yet. Donghyun lifts himself to sit on the worktop opposite him. 

“Are you and Youngmin-hyung going to be okay?” he chooses to ask instead, and he hopes Donghyun understands that he’s too scared to talk about it because that only makes it more real. He's always been one to skip to the point anyway. Donghyun’s face immediately falls at the mention, and he brings a hand to rub across his tired face. Woojin almost regrets asking.

“I don’t know,” he says, “maybe. Tonight was just a surprise, you know? I’d never thought of hyung like that at all before tonight so I was shocked when he asked me to kiss him, especially as he’s been super weird for the last few months. I think the sole reason I did it was to try and make him happy, I don’t know, to try and bring him back to me.”

Woojin understands the first part, the shock of something so monumental happening between him and a friend but he doesn’t understand the second part. 

“But it didn’t look like that to me, hyung,” he tells him, swinging his legs a little. Donghyun looks at him questioningly. 

“I don’t know, I mean, at first we could all tell you were reluctant and to be honest Daehwi and I thought you weren't gonna do it, felt bad for telling you to do it because we had absolutely no idea why Youngmin asked you to. We thought he’d crack a joke or something but I guess we were all shocked when he was serious. It was awkward with you two at first but when Youngmin reacted, you didn’t pull away. You even looked like you were enjoying it, hyung.”

It’s weird, talking to Donghyun about something like this when he’s going through almost an identical thing but he means what he says. Donghyun did look like he was enjoying it. He feels like a hypocrite, for talking to Donghyun like this, so levelheaded, when he had been a mess when things happened with Hyungseop. 

“I, I don’t know. I can’t lie and tell you I didn't enjoy an aspect of it, because it’s obvious I did but I can’t work out which part I enjoyed. The fact I was kissing someone? Or the fact I was kissing hyung? Or the fact that hyung was finally acknowledging me after all this time?” Donghyun suddenly seems to realise something, realise that Woojin won’t be here for him to talk to like this after tomorrow, “I’m confused, Woojinie, but don’t think that you’re leaving us when we’re at our worst. Youngmin-hyung will always be my best friend and he and I will always be your hyungs, understand? Don’t think that because we’re going through some stuff that we’re too caught up to listen to you, or that we’re too at each other’s throats to be in the same room to talk to you guys. We love you like our brothers, okay? And we’re so, so proud of you.”

Woojin smiles gently, nodding. The raw honesty and care in Donghyun’s speech had made things all the more real for him, the fact that he was leaving and he tipped his head back to fruitlessly try to get rid of the tears in his eyes. Although it had brought the idea of leaving to the forefront of his mind, the speech had comforted him somewhat, reassured him that yes, things were changing but some things would always stay the same. He would always have Donghyun and Youngmin to fall back on if things went wrong. Donghyun reaches for him, runs a large hand through his hair and it makes him feel, for a moment, like a child again, like he isn’t leaving his home to become an idol tomorrow. 

“C’mon, kiddo,” Donghyun murmurs, as if he knows, “big day tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to leave,” Woojin tells him, head lowered and pouty and he knows that it’s childish of him to do this but he just can’t bear to leave everything behind. He’s not just talking about leaving the dorm, he’s talking about Hyungseop. Lovely, caring Hyungseop. He’s worried that if he leaves the comfort of their friendship and ventures into something else, he’ll ruin everything. 

“Yes you do, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun replies, voice half reprimanding, half soft,  “you just think you don’t because things are changing and you're scared but don’t forget you've got the rest of Wanna One going through the same things. Just look after Daehwi for me, alright?”

Donghyun smiles at him again, painfully soft and Woojin wonders if he knew he wasn’t just talking about Wanna One as well. 

 

Leaving is hectic. Their new manager comes by in a van to pick them up and they spend an hour loading things in, forgetting things and trying to decide last minute whether they really need to take it with them. Woojin is so busy he almost forgets what’s happening to them but he occasionally catches Youngmin or Donghyun looking at them, a bittersweet smile on their faces and the reality of the situation comes crashing back down. To make matters worse, Donghyun and Youngmin won’t even look in each other’s direction and Woojin and Daehwi keep making pointed eye contact with them - to no avail. Youngmin cries when Woojin and Daehwi strip their beds of their sheets and the next ten minutes is spent in a heap on their floor. Woojin doesn’t mind it, really. He’s nervous, of course, but he keeps thinking about what Donghyun said and focuses on coming back, on making Youngmin and Donghyun proud and returning well known to help their future group on their way. Saying goodbye is terrible, however. All of them cry except Donghyun and they stand outside of their dorm building, clinging onto each other so much that their manager had to pry Daehwi off of them. 

“I love you,” Woojin tells Youngmin and Donghyun just before he has to get in the car. He's never said it before, never seriously, anyway but he feels like now is a good time to tell them because he does, he really does love them and he wants nothing more than for them to be happy. Both of them smile at him, replying with hushed ‘I love you too’s’ before both he and Daehwi are ushered into their van and they have left their old life behind. Daehwi reaches for his hand over the middle seat and Woojin doesn’t hesitate to take it. The last thing he sees of Youngmin and Donghyun are them standing a metre apart on the curb, watching them leave them behind.  Woojin had received a message from Hyungseop earlier, telling him to move safely and message him when he was settled in. Woojin had replied with a flurry of heart emojis, entertaining himself at the thought of Hyungseop blushing down at his phone screen. Perhaps things wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

 

The new dorm is wonderful, spacious and modern and after he’s got over the initial homesickness, Woojin is extremely happy to say that he enjoys the rest of Wanna One’s company a huge amount and he has loved the business of it, the exhausted feeling he feels when he gets into bed after a schedule, knocked out but satisfied. He and Hyungseop text continuously throughout the day, an occasional lull in replies during the day when he or Hyungseop are doing schedules but otherwise things are good, amazing even. Especially when Hyungseop asks him when he’s free to meet up. 

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 9:35pm_ **

_When are you free to meet up? i miss you~~~_

 

**_‘Woojin' (you) 9:41pm_ **

_I’m free tomorrow, come to the dorms???_

 

**_‘Woojin' (you) 9:41pm_ **

_I miss you too_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 9:43pm_ **

_:)))))))))_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 9:43pm_ **

_Yeah, I can come to the dorms. What time?_

 

**_‘Woojin' (you) 9:45pm_ **

_Early. I wanna make the most of tomorrow._

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 9:46pm_ **

_Is nine too early?_

 

**_‘Woojin' (you) 9:47pm_ **

_Nah, nine’s fine. See you then?_

 

**_‘Seoppie~’ 9:47pm_ **

_See you then <3_

**_‘Woojin' (you) 9:48pm_ **

_< 333333333333333_

 

 

True to his word, Hyungseop arrives the next day at nine on the dot, standing in front of the Wanna One dorm in joggers and an oversized t-shirt. He looks _adorable_. 

“Hey,” Hyungseop greets him and Woojin has missed him in the week and a bit that they’ve been apart so much that he’s the one to step forward and hug him this time, pulls him forward so Hyungseop is flush against him, hardly any space between them. Hyungseop makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat but hugs him back all the same. Woojin breathes him in and he smells exactly how he did before, soap and cleanliness and that one smell Woojin couldn’t place before - like home. He’s not just being weird and deep here, Hyungseop really smells like Busan, like rolling waves and the salt in the air.

“You smell like Busan,” Woojin tells him as much but Hyungseop just starts giggling because Woojin’s breath is tickling him. He’s about to reply when a shout sounds from behind him, further into the dorm. It’s Jihoon. 

“Jisung-hyung!” he shouts, “Woojin and Hyungseop are being openly affectionate in this public area!” 

Woojin lets go of Hyungseop to chase after Jihoon but Jihoon swerves past him and runs to Hyungseop, where he cowers behind him like _Hyungseop_ , who couldn’t hurt a fly, would protect him. 

“You wouldn’t hurt your _precious_ Seoppie would you, Woojinie?” Jihoon taunts and Woojin is just about ready to tackle him to the ground (jokingly of course) when Jisung appears from the kitchen.

“I heard you were violating my house rules,” he says in greeting, mock serious but his face lights up when he sees Hyungseop. 

“My baby!” he exclaims and Hyungseop is smiling when he goes to hug him, “How have you been? Has our Woojin been good to you?”

Hyungseop laughs, looking at Woojin over Jisung’s shoulder. 

“Yes,” he says, “He’s been good to me.”

Woojin turns to absolute mush and Jihoon makes sure he knows about it. 

 

They spend the whole day lazing about in their living room, watching movies whilst some of the other members occasionally wander in. The whole of Nu’est drops by at about twelve and Woojin watches Minhyun fondly as he catches up with them, Hyungseop pressed to his side the whole time. After they’ve made it through two Iron man movies, Woojin’s phone rings. He considers ignoring it, too comfy with his legs tangled with Hyungseop’s, their hands linked lazily together but he supposes he should, in case it’s important. It’s Donghyun’s caller ID on his phone and he murmurs a quick apology to Hyungseop before answering it. 

“Hello?” he says. 

“Hello.”

It’s Donghyun’s voice on the other side, rough sounding even though it’s some time past noon. 

“Hyung!” Woojin exclaims, “Are you okay?”  
Donghyun has never really been one to call people unless it was urgent so there’s an undertone of worry in Woojin’s voice that he hopes Donghyun can’t pick up on.

“Yeah, Woojinie, I’m okay.”

Woojin begins to talk again but Hyungseop leans over him so they’re practically on top of each other. Woojin is too stunned at the proximity to stop him. 

“ _Hi hyuuuunnngggg_ ,” he says into the phone casually as if he isn’t lying on top of the person he confessed his feelings to a while ago. 

“Seop, get off me,” Woojin says, strained but he’s smiling, voice soft around the edges with unconcealed fondness. 

“Hi, Hyungseop,” Donghyun replies and the other boy is close enough to the phone to hear it. Woojin attempts to put at least a little space between them, pushing at Hyungseop’s shoulders to make him move but he instead just moves further down until he can rest his chin on Woojin’s chest, body curled in between his legs. Woojin laughs breathily, sighing before resigning himself to his fate. He can live with it if Hyungseop keeps looking at him like he hung the stars, eyes shining. 

“So are you guys together now?” Donghyun asks him and Woojin shifts to push the phone closer to his ear. 

“No, we’re not together, really,” he begins to say but Hyungseop is quick to interrupt him. 

“I’m chasing him, hyung!” he exclaims, hands tapping absentmindedly at Woojin’s side, “tell him to accept me!”

Woojin blushes again for what must be the millionth time today and Hyungseop watches him with a look of glee on his face. 

“Accept him, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun says him, although he’s only teasing and Woojin feels the need to get the attention away from him. 

“How’s _your_ love life, hyung?” Woojin asks him instead, quickly spinning the subject around, “How are you and Youngmin hyung?”

There's a moment of silence. 

“He kissed me again last night.”  
Hyungseop gasps but Woojin just shushes him, hand reaching down to pet Hyungseop’s hair. The older leans into his hand like a cat. 

“Oh,” Woojin replies, part of his mind still on Hyungseop, “Did you kiss him back?”  
“I…yeah. Yeah, I did.”

Woojin is silent again for a minute, unsure of what to reply, of what Donghyun wants to hear. 

“Hyung,” he finally says, “don’t be mad at me for saying this but…have you ever thought about the reason you kiss him back?”

“Huh?”

“I mean,” Woojin begins again and Hyungseop shifts his head slightly so his chin isn’t digging in, “You usually don’t kiss someone back if you don’t have at least some resemblance of feelings for them, especially not twice.”

Hyungseop blinks up at him owlishly, suddenly a lot more awake. He’s smiling, just a little, as if he knows that Woojin hadn’t meant to reveal that. Woojin’s eyes are wide, his hand pausing it’s movements but Hyungseop just lays his head back down, obviously fine to wait until Woojin’s finished with the call. 

“I don’t like boys, Woojin-ah,” Donghyun replies and it’s funny how wrong he is.

“It’s not a bad thing, hyung,” he says, “And anyway, I’m not saying you do. Maybe you just like Youngmin-hyung.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“People drift apart all the time, hyung and you just find a way to deal with it but you’ve been moping for months because Youngmin hyung was acting differently with you. Most people would have given up after a while but you still chased after him like a lost puppy and I know you were shocked when he asked you to kiss him but you weren’t unhappy about it - that was obvious.”

The other end of the line is silent for a couple of seconds. 

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Woojin asks and he can tell Donghyun is thinking about it on the other end of the line, realising. 

“B-but, hyung has been avoiding me for five months, Woojin-ie. Even if I did like him, he definitely doesn’t like me.”

Woojin groans.

“Are you kidding, hyung?” he asks, exasperated, “What did I say earlier about how you don’t just kiss someone you don’t have feelings for. I don’t know why he was avoiding you, but he wouldn’t just kiss you and keep doing it if he hated your guts, I promise. Just find him and talk to him, hyung.”

“Thank you, Woojin. I’ll talk to him, promise.”

“Okay, hyung. I have to go now, you’re on speaker so say goodbye to Seoppie, too.”

Woojin can see Hyungseop smile at the sound of the nickname and he murmurs a ‘goodbye’, voice muffled by the fabric of Woojin’s shirt. 

“Bye, hyungseop,” Donghyun says, “ and Woojin-ah, tell him how you feel about him.”

Woojin sucks in a breath. 

“ _Hyung!”_ he begins but the call has already ended. He’s momentarily worried to look up but, when he does, Hyungseop is looking at him already, looking vaguely shocked.

“How you feel about me?” Hyungseop asks and he sits up slightly, face propped on both arms as Woojin looks down at him. His voice lifts at the end, obviously hopeful and Woojin swallows thickly. 

“I…yeah. How I feel about you. I said that- I said that you don’t kiss someone back if you don't have feelings for them and…I meant it. I know it took me a long time, and I know I hurt you but I know now, for sure, that I do have feelings for you.” 

Hyungseop is smiling up at him and the only way Woojin can describe his expression is pure happiness.

“I really, _really_ like you, Hyungseop and i-if you still like me and I haven't left it too long, I’d really like to do something about that.”

Hyungseop doesn’t even bother to reply, just climbs into Woojin’s lap and kisses him square on the lips. 

“Took you long enough,” he says when they part and Woojin just laughs, relieved and happy and so in _love_ it’s crazy. He leans back in, pulling Hyungseop closer as they kiss languidly, slowly, like they have all the time in the world. 

 

Jinyoung and Daehwi come in and Jinyoung immediately screams

“Jisung! Rule four has been severely violated! Woojin and Hyungseop are _making out_ in the public area!”

 

 

-

 

A few months down the line, when they have a free weekend, Woojin and Daehwi return home, Woojin pulling Hyungseop along to find Youngmin and Donghyun have finally realised that they’re in love with each other (as soon as they see them, Daehwi passes Woojin the 300 000won he owes him). They hug and this time Youngmin will actually participate in the group hug and later, when Daehwi calls his mother, the four sit in the kitchen where Woojin and Donghyun had sat alone a few months earlier. Hyungseop leans back against Woojin’s chest as Youngmin and Donghyun mirrors them and Woojin says “Do you remember what you said to me, the night before we left?”

Donghyun blinks up at him. 

“Which part?”

“You told me that things were changing and that I was just scared after I told you I didn’t want to leave and you told me that I should just take the jump. I’m sorry, hyungs for not giving you the same advice.”

Things are quiet for a moment before the other three burst out laughing and Woojin is blushing and staring down at Hyungseop like _he_ hung the stars. Hyungseop spins in his arms and presses his lips to each of his burning cheeks. 

“I love you,” he murmurs and Woojin doesn’t even hesitate to say it back.  
“I love you too.”  
At this point, Daehwi walks back in, watching them with a straight face, although his eyes are screaming happiness. 

“You’re lucky Jisung-hyung isn’t here,” he says and Woojin laughs, leaning down to kiss Hyungseop right on the lips. 

 

Later when they’re curled up in Woojin’s single bunk beds, Hyungseop reaches for his hand in their tangle of limbs. 

“Do you remember what my answer was to your question back in the conference room?” he asks, “Something you could hold on to forever and never let go?”  
“Yes,” Woojin breathes, the mere thought of it making his heart squeeze, “Let go.”  
Hyungseop turns to him and kisses him, long and sweet and Woojin loves him so much his chest feels like it’s going to burst. 

“I was wrong,” he says finally, “Don’t let go.”

**Author's Note:**

> SO, you made it through this even larger fic (last time i said 'things are changing' was a mammoth fic) well i've only come back and MADE IT BIGGER (applause). This took me a month to write, mainly because of school but also because i wasn't really sure how to approach these two. Don't get me wrong, I adore them, but I spent a lot of time thinking about their dynamics and characters and how on earth I was going to write this when they don't see each other anymore but i think i made it through alright!! (pls let me know if i didnt). all of the characters learnt some valuable stuff through the story and i hope you guys might've taken some of the stuff they learnt with them (e.g Jisung has strict house rules, fear him) and I hope you feel like I did this wonderful ship JUSTICE. I bloody hope I did because I've sat here for almost seven hours today and about eleven in total slaving over this and the only laugh i got out of it was when i was trying to write 'homesickness' but wrote 'homedickness'. Blood, sweat and tears (minus the tears) were shed during this writing. Sweat because, for once, it's hot in England and i've been stuck inside writing a FANFIC and blood because i burnt my knuckle so badly on a barbeque that it split so typing has been an utter nightmare! ALSO, is there a second iron man movie? is there even a first? ALSO PART TWO, the line 'tell me something i can hold onto and never let go' and 'let go' are from the film 'the age of adaline' that's right this whole 13 000 word fic is based on PLAGIARISM. someone get me a lawyer.
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for sticking with me through this duo of fics and ignoring the terrible formatting that seems to have struck 'things are changing' (i'll sort that as soon as I can) and i really hope you have enjoyed reading them more than i've enjoyed writing them. you know the drill, contact me on twitter @9arkwoojin on tumblr @jeongquq if you need to complain, have questions or just want to chat! and, finally, thank you very much for reading, i hope you enjoyed.


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